That's what love is...

A few years ago, I was gearing up to go out of town with Chad for a few days.  This was a much needed trip.  It was for business, but none the less, it was a get away without kids.  At the time, my life was consumed with Clayton's cancer treatment.  We had just finished radiation and were about halfway through with his chemo treatments, so my days were spent making this okay for all involved while begging and pleading with God to make the treatment a success and to heal my son.  In all, it was a stressful time for us, but a precious time as well as I was totally surviving on my faith and my walk with the Lord.

The Trip to Indianapolis 

   It was the night before my trip, and someone told me there was a book I just HAD to read while I was gone. She handed it to me and said enjoy. She said  it was the BEST BOOK EVER and my husband would thank me for it.  The night before I left, I started to read this book.  I am not a book worm, don't read a lot, and really don't know much about current books, so I unknowingly began reading.  About two chapters in, I realized that this book was not a match for me.  I realized that the God I know, love, serve and was trusting to heal my son, would be so incredibly hurt by the idea that I would fill my heart and mind with such disgust. The book was returned to its owner that night before my trip, and  my heart was broken. You see, there is NO WAY I could read that book and pray for the Lord to heal my son. No WAY. My heart broke because people I know, love and walk beside had no trouble reading it.  I don't understand that, and I probably never will.  I'm sure the you all know the book title by now.  Yes, it was 50 Shades of Grey.  
     Rather than discuss how vile and full of pornography the book is, which I can't fairly do because I only got 2 chapters in, I'd like to tell anyone who is searching for love what true love is. You see, it's not premarital sex, handsome men in suits..( although I do love my man in a suit)..., women willing to do ridiculous things, or exotic sex toys.  Here's what real love is, and for those who are still searching, I truly pray that you find it.

     True love is.... Loving me purely and completely on my wedding night,  holding my hair back as I am vomiting from severe morning sickness, holding my head against your chest as the little heartbeat we just saw became a lost dream..a miscarriage, telling me we'll try again, understanding my fear when we got the next positive pregnancy test, being there when she was born, encouraging me when she wouldn't sleep, and I questioned if I was mommy material, telling me I looked beautiful a week after giving birth and 30 pounds too heavy, walking together in fear as a business didn't go as planned, waking up and  praying over me..all the time, loving my kids, being patient with me when the house is a mess and I burn dinner, coming to get me when I'm scared, picking me up off the floor when I'm told my son has cancer, sleeping with me in a twin size hospital bed for 10 days because I can't be alone, taking the phone call because I can't, working so I can be home with our kids and NEVER complaining about it, being an active part of our children's lives, forgiving when it's undeserved, saying "I'm Sorry" when it isn't your fault, making a commitment to be faithful and never wavering, keeping your mind pure and only for me,  respecting me in public, encouraging me to be the best me, and most importantly putting Christ first in our lives... the list goes on. 

   True love exists. I live it and am so incredibly thankful for the gift. Happy Valentine's Day, Chad Castle. Thank you for loving me so completely. To those who read the book and/or saw the movie, we serve a God who loves us and forgives us and is able to make all things new.  It's okay.  You are always loved, always held and He is always waiting for you.

50 Years... What it looks like

 This holiday season we drove to Baton Rouge to help my parents celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.  50 YEARS!!!  Half a century...Five decades.. That's a long time, yall!   After the planning, the party, eating the left over cake, opening the gifts, I found myself thinking about the rarity these days of people who can say they've been married 50 years.  I'm sure at every wedding the precious couple is picturing themselves at their 50th wedding anniversary, but seems like most of the time, the dream is lost somewhere between the sleepless nights kids bring and the new job that didnt turn out so great.  Marriage is work. It's a commitment and it's something worth working for.
    I've been involved for 41 years in my parents marriage.  Over those years, I've observed some things that I think would service us all to review in hopes to make our marriages happy and successful.  Some of it seems a little trivial, silly and strange, but apparently it worked!
 Thinking back on it, I certainly didn’t realize what I was witnessing at the time, but now I see that I had the awesome opportunity to watch a marriage work.  Many people my age don’t have that background, unfortunately.  In those years, here are some things I saw that may help us all.

1-       Respect.. My mother has always had a tremendous amount of respect for my dad.  I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve heard my mother talk about how incredible my dad is, how proud she is to be his wife, how awesome God is to have blessed her with him, how she prayed we’d meet men as amazing as dad.. almost always without my dad present to hear her bragging.  I also remember my dad doing the same for my mom. ..

2-      Listening-  This one goes out to my dad.  He kind of a reserved individual most times, and doesn’t always have a lot to say, but boy.. can he listen.  I have witnessed numerous times my mother discussing frustrations, fears, concerns and even just stories and my dad just listening to her.. never complaining.

3-      Service-  This one is HUGE.  My dad is a very hard worker.  He rarely takes time off.  He’s always been up early and home late.  He has given his adult years to being an excellent physician and providing amazing care to his patients… not to mention serving his family by being the breadwinner.  I can’t remember hearing him complain about going to work EVER… and my MOM… she has the most amazing servant heart of them all.  She still, to this day.. makes my dad a lunch during the work day.  He comes home from work for an hour and if she is not there, she has prepared for him a sandwich, or something to eat.  She goes over and above to serve my dad.  I don’t think my dad knows how to run the washing machine or the dishwasher even now.

4-      I save the largest for last.  CHRIST.. My parents have always, without wavering, committed and devoted their lives to serving the Lord.  Many times it was hard.  They dealt with church struggles, served on pastor search committees, finance committee, personnel committee, taught Sunday school, led children's choir, hosted events and let's not forget the good ole Committee on Committees.  That's funny, but it's true.  More importantly, through the good times and the many hard times in life, they have stayed focused on the Lord and His desire for them to truly light their world, by sharing Christ, serving others, and growing a legacy of children and grandchildren who also honor the Lord.

  I am so blessed and honored to have celebrated with my parents and honor their marriage.. It's a great reminder that the days are long, but the years are short.  Time flies by, and as you look back, you see the small, but important things that worked.  Here is a picture of my parents with their 16 grandchildren, all of which hold them very close.  College students that come "home" and stay with Granny and Pops all holiday, teenagers who sit around the table laughing with Grannie, little boys who anxiously surround Pops waiting for the next trivia question and kids who would all agree that they hope to have the same marriage, love and home of their own one day.  Thank you, Mom and Dad, for making it work and making it look easy.  We love you!

Our Thanksgiving Cruise.. Carnival Magic

 

   We just got back from a great week aboard the Carnival Magic.  We went, just the six of us, over Thanksgiving break.  We've been wanting to take the kids to the Caribbean, but haven't been able to decide where, and were not excited about paying for 6 flights, two hotel rooms, and lots of food for all of us, so we opted for a cruise.  Boy, was that a great decision.  Now, let me make it clear.. this was in NO WAY a time alone with my man.  We were in close quarters with 4 kiddos, and LOVED IT.  You see, while you are out at sea, there is no WIFI, no texts, no business calls.. NONE.  You just can't imagine the drama and frustration that is removed when no one can take calls or receive texts.
   This ship is one of Carnival's newest and largest and was designed with kids in mind.  They did a great job.  My boys were so excited to find a putt putt course, a ropes course, numerous pools, a water park which included two large slides, foosball, ping pong.. you name it.  One of the most fun things for the kids, all of them, was Barman.  Barman is a table artist aka, close up magician, who traveled around tables and did special "magic" tricks.  He also had a show a couple of nights during the week and the kids loved watching his tricks. The kids also enjoyed getting to meet and talk to all of the international staff.  Everyone is from a different country and is excited to answer questions from the kids. 
    The food on the Magic was just ok.  Let me be honest, we eat out ALOT and are probably restaurant snobs and just didn't know it.  We don't frequent the Golden Corral.. EVER.. but this cruise, the buffet seemed very much like the GC, so we opted for the sit down dining room, which was a great time each evening and for brunch.  Our kids sat at the table with us, with no phones, remember? and talked with us.  It was truly beautiful.  They also loved the all day and night ice cream.  Super fun while you're on vacation.

    We visited several beautiful countries this week.  We did Zip lining, in the pouring down rain, on Wednesday in Honduras.  We also shopped and visited a very beautiful, but wet beach.  On Thursday we snorkeled off a private island in Belize.  The weather was gorgeous and the beach was perfect.  On Friday we visited Cozumel where we swam with the dolphins and definitely made great memories.  The ports were all highlights and fun experiences for the kids.
     I'll be honest, I was a little concerned about going on a cruise.  I thought the kids may get bored, I thought we'd be surrounded by drunk people, I thought the ship would scare me with kids, but none of that was the case.  We had a GREAT week.  There was always something to do. The kids read, played cards TOGETHER, rested, (the rocking of the boat is very relaxing), laughed.. all of that great stuff.  The ship was full of nice families and I honestly didn't see ANYONE drunk the entire week. We watched big screen movies late into the night on the Lido deck, and we enjoyed dressing up and having elegant dinner nights.  To top is all off.. the last day the ship sponsored a fund raiser for St. Jude's.  Pretty sure I was the only mom on deck with tears in my eyes as I watched the droves of people line up to donate money and buy tshirts.  Blessed this momma's heart!  All in all,we had a BALL and I would recommend this trip to any family!
     Most of all, we spent great time together and made lasting memories.  I spent a week being pampered by excellent staff,  leaving all of my worries behind, focusing on what was right in front of me.. and loving every minute of it.  Now, back to reality.. 4 kids.. 4 campuses.. let's go!

But everyone's doing it....

 Wow!  It's been a long time since I've visited and shared on this blog.  This is my original blog that I started years ago to keep some sort of a family diary and share pictures.  Life got busy, Clayton got cancer, and this blog fell by the wayside. Well... I've just had some thoughts on my mind about life and our walk as Christians and feel compelled to share them.  I know we all have a different perspective on life based on what we've been through.  We've all been raised differently, had different experiences, good and bad, and are dealing with different conflicts even now... but one thing remains.. Jesus is the SAME God for you as He is me...

    I'm just floored lately as I really sit back and look at how "we" are living IN the world.  We are all about giving Grace and Mercy... acceptance and tolerance. Exactly as we should because it is what the Lord calls us to do.  Micah 6:8 "What does the Lord require of you?  To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God".  But with that said,  showing Grace and Mercy does not mean that we are to agree and comply with the ways of the world.  It doesn't mean that we become OF the world...

    A few nights ago I was having a discussion with my teenagers about language that is used over texts.  I asked them what WTF means? Of course, I knew what it means, and I know my girls hearts and I saw a conflict here.  After they both told me what I meant, I asked them how they can be okay using or reading such an acronym.  Immediately they both said, " Everyone writes that.  It's what everyone does.  It's not like you're SAYING it".  Oh.. but it is.  Just because EVERYONE is doing it certainly does not mean we have to. OR better yet,  when asking what is up with the unacceptable grade made on a recent test.. her response, as I am sure you have all heard at your house, was " EVERYONE did terrible on that test".  Guess what.. I doubt the college admissions board is going to take into consideration that EVERYONE did poorly.  They will be solely looking at HER records. That leads me to Jesus... and our day of accountability with HIM.  I guess for me, death on Earth and life in heaven has become very real, as I have met and dealt with so much sickness and lives ending far too quickly recently.  It has reminded me that I am going to have a one on one time with Jesus.  He is going to see me, question me and pass judgment on me.  He's going to do it for all of us.  He is NOT going to care what EVERYONE else was doing in 2013, what was acceptable, what the world thought of my sin.. HE is not going to consider that I lived "better than Sally Brown"  He is just going to see ME and MY sin.  I will be accountable for MYSELF.

   In the same way, I would like to remind us all that we have no right to pass judgment on anyone else.  Our father in heaven will do that. We are , however, OBLIGATED to speak the truth, love with the love of the Lord and represent Him to the absolute best of our ability.  Accepting gay relationships,  sex outside of marriage with either sex, obscene movies, terrible language, etc... is us allowing the world to define who WE are.  "Well, it's just how things are these days"... That's so sad.  That does not mean we change what the Bible speaks as truth just because the world is so so lost.  It means we work that much harder.  It means we LOVE all people, but we don't have to change our profile picture to the red equality symbol to support their sin.. we don't have to sit in the bar and get drunk because they are.... it does not mean that we have sex with random people because it's the "cool" thing and our spouse is "boring", and to step on my own toes here... it doesn't mean that we gossip and bad mouth those who wrong us.

    I'm just wanting to remind us all that one day EACH ONE OF US will sit before the throne of God and answer for ourselves. God has the final word with each person.  The same Jesus that died on the cross for all of my sin, died for those around me too.  I'm so thankful that there is grace and mercy and forgiveness for our fallen world. Let's Just live IN the world but not OF it!

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Want and NEED

This holiday season, I just have "want and need" on my mind. I think we are totally confused about what those words mean. I'm talking to all of us. To clear up any confusion.. want, according to Webster's Dictionary means.. "to feel a need or a desire for"... need means..."Something that is necessary for organisms to live a healthy life".

Now that we've cleared that up, I just feel so burdened by the confusion we have and are creating in our kids for what we want vs need. My 12 year old does not NEED an iphone 4gs.. and neither does yours. I do not NEED a larger house. I may enjoy some of the amenities that a larger house would offer, but I don't NEED one.

Recently my kids were complaining about our house. Honestly because the majority of their friends live in houses that are signifigantly newer and larger than ours. As I was listening to them, I was thinking about truly what they need that they don't have. I couldnt think of anything. So, I ask my daughter, " Okay.. so while I look for a new house for us, tell me what you need that we don't have so I can find the right one". She just looked at me and could think of nothing. The reason why?? Because we have all that we need.

I see us as Americans so wrapped up in wants. I am guilty. My kids are having ridiculous Christmases. I'm just being honest. They are all getting things they don't need but want. It does frustrate me a little that we say we "need" the expensive jeans or we "need" an xbox. No we don't NEED any of that.

Another thing my girls do not "Need" is a boyfriend. These girls at 14 and 12 do not "Need" a boy to make them feel like they are somebody. The very day they start thinking they "need" that to be happy is the day our problems begin. What a hard life for a little girl who grows into a lady thinking she "needs" the presence of another to be somebody. I will be the first to tell you that my husband is my everything. He is all that plus some and I do "need" him. I do think he contributes to me having a healthy life and living.. as the definition says, but with that said, we've been married 15 years, and he has become part of me. These young girls do not have that bond nor do they need it. What they need is to grow into ladies who love the Lord more than anything else and trust God to provide them an excellent spouse at the appropriate time. They don't "need" to be heartbroken and hurt beginning at age 12 with a repetious cycle continuing through their young adult life. Just my soapbox. Now, I'm all about the date to homecoming and the harmless "going with" boy that you never actually go anywhere with, but I want to clarify that the moment our kids "NEED" a person in order to be happy, we better stop and look at what we're doing. You think I'm kidding... I drive lots of carpools, listen to lots of conversations with kids and read lots of texts. Stop and listen and you'll be amazed by what you hear.

I'm preaching to myself here. The Lord has shown me what I "need" so many times and taught me patience along the way. I patiently waited for Chad. I didn't have lots of boyfriends in highschool, and I know it's because I was waiting on Mr. Perfect. The Lord has brought me to a point before where I needed $600 to pay my house note, and patiently waited until the Lord delivered at the last minute. I lost my first baby, and patiently waited on the Lord to provide me with kids. It wasn't easy, and I wasn't feeling patient at the time, but I see now where he was working on my patience and showing me what I truly "need". The list goes on..

Anyway, I just want us to remember that it's not always about pushing forwarding for what we want. I see us all doing that, yes, even me.. and it scares me. If my kids want the top of the line best thing now, what do they have to look forward to working for? And yes.. I say this as I'm wrapping Miss Me Jeans and other things that we do not "NEED" and putting them under the tree.

Is it really you and Dad?

Last Saturday Clayton woke up early and while the other kids slept in, we decided to have a date to go see Santa at the mall.

I'm trying very hard to remind myself that Clayton is still young and that he still likes doing things his siblings find "uncool". So, we got dressed cute and took off to see Santa. On our way there, here's what happened in the car. ( I'll be writing it just as Clayton said it.. although I can't reproduce the cute voice, I can reproduce the grammatical errors :)

"Mom, is Santa real? I think he's just your Mom and Dad putting out gifts."

"Well, Clayton, you know Mommy doesn't like to buy toys, so what do you think?

"Well, I'm just being real. Let's just think about it, how many people lives in Texas?"

"Wow.. I'm not sure.. alot"

"Well, how many hours is it dark at night?"

"About 8"

"And, kids have to be asleep, right mom? Let's just think about this. How can Santa go to all the kids's houses in all of Texas in 8 hours in one night" AND.. How can he eat all of those cookies by himself and not feel sick?"

"Well, Im not sure, Clayton. Since I'm not Santa, I'd just have to say it's Christmas Magic"

"Christmas Magic is not real and think about it... reindeer can't fly. They don't have wings and NO animals can have a glow on their nose"

"Well, they just push their legs back and forth so they'll go fast, or maybe there's a motor on the sleigh.. and as far as the glow, I think maybe it's just the way light shines on Rudolph"

" There can't be motor because it would burn the reindeers and light doesnt shine up that high and then how can the reindeer see the food we put out? And another thing, was Rudolph the lead reindeer when you were little?"

"Yep, Rudolph has always been the lead reindeer"

"Well, then I know this can't be true. There's NO WAY Rudolph could still fly if he's been flying since you were little. He's WAY old"

" And another thing.. how can Santa fit EVERY kids toys on one little sleigh. I mean, I get big stuff. There's no way it all fits in that one little sack on a sleigh."

So, the good questions continue and we get to the mall. I'm sad at this point thinking that my youngest no longer believes in Christmas magic..

We get to the mall and see Santa. He's the REAL Santa! REAL beard, REAL stomach.. Real outfit.. GREAT Santa. Clayton sees him and excitedly waits his turn in line. We get to the front and Clayton climbs up on his lap. Santa asks, "Have you been a good boy this year".. looking at me. I fib a little because he had honestly had the worst weekend EVER. I smile and say, "Oh yes, he's a good boy". He tells Clayton that he thought so because he didnt see his name on the naughty list. Clayton's eyes light up and a huge smile comes over him. Santa asks him what he wants for Christmas and promises him a Christmas visit.. the whole time looking at me for approval. So, Clayton hugs Santa good bye.. walks out and looks right up at me and says, " Thanks for tricking Santa and telling him I've been good"...

So after all of that, I think we still believe.. even though my smarty pants, inquisitive child still has lots of unanswered questions. It's fun to keep it that way, and fun for mommy to still have Christmas magic alive :)

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How Blessed Are the People Whose God is the Lord...

This year we made the decision to head to Baton Rouge for Thanksgiving. It is a long trip, but it's so worth it once we arrive. This year I found myself thinking about my family.. my extended family. As the youngest of four and now almost 40, I look back and see how I was raised, and how things turned out... with all of us. All together that's 26 people. Sure, no one is perfect, but the Lord's hand on our family has been obvious.


My dad has always been a true Godly man. TRUE.. as long as I've known my dad I have never heard him say a cuss word, never seen him drink alcohol, never heard him make fun of anyone... never. What I have seen is him praying for our family, supporting us financially, and loving my mother. I firmly believe that the blessings that the Lord has bestowed on our family are because of my dad's faithfulness to follow Christ and my mother's ability to always put family first, no matter the cost. What you see is what you truly get where my parents are concerned.

When I think of my siblings and their families, we've been so blessed. We have 16 healthy children between us, four marriages still intact, and our kids are good kids. Now granted, some are still very young, but we have kids who work hard, are not ashamed of the Lord, and who want to do right in all situations. Now, I'm not going to say that none of us have made mistakes, because that wouldnt be true, but to see right win over wrong is encouraging.

Along with all the good,I've seen many hurts our family has endured.. the heartbreak when a baby was lost by miscarriage after years of infertility issues, the loss of a job, leaving a family without work for months, struggles in marriage, depression..on several occasions, a premature birth, unexpected pregancy, health problems, a business falling apart, lots of tears, and lots of other heart breaks that just dont get mentioned. But, what I can see and know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that the Lord's hand of provision has been on this clan for many years. Somehow, He has always worked things out in his time and with His plan in mind, and continues to do so. He has been so good to us! In all of these circumstances, the Lord has reached in and healed hearts, guided decisions and blessed families.

I have truly seen this Thanksgiving that God is so good. He has blessed our family in more ways than we can ever appreciate. It

makes me realize the realness behind "How blessed are the people whose God is the Lord" Psalm 33:12. There were plenty years where hurt seemed so deep and it seemed like God wasn't there, but looking back, it's so obvious to see that He was holding us the whole time.. and He will continue to. We are still trusting Him for complete healing of my sister's Parkinson's Disease. I believe He will do that too!

Just thinking about the song "Blessings" by Laura Story. The last phrase of the song says " What if our greatest disappointments and the aching of this life is a revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy. What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise." Amazing, strong words. Sometimes it takes stepping back, and really looking. God is so good.

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Happy 14th, Kate Lauren!

Kate, I'm sitting here thinking about when you were born. YOU made me a Mommy. YOU were my first born. I remember quitting everything, because suddenly nothing mattered. I would literally sit and rock you all day. I knew the daily order of all the talk shows and didn't care if you slept through your whole nap in my arms. I LOVED it.

Now you are turning 14! Wow... time flies. I love you so much, Kate Castle!

My 14 Favorite Things about You... in no particular order.

1- You are always willing to be my right hand man. You are a second mother and you bless me daily by serving your siblings.

2- You give everything your very best.. your schoolwork, your orchestra, your friendships, Bibles study.

3- You care about others..genuinely. This is a learned thing for most of us, but I honestly think few are born with it. You are.

4- You turn to God to help you with things. You allow Him to be the Lord of your life, even when it's not the popular thing.

5- You are so much fun to be with. You talk freely with me and make me laugh all the time. I LOVE shopping days with you!

6- You love your siblings. I see you interact with Clayton and see you be patient with him when no one else will. One day you will be an excellent mother.

7- You're Caroline's best friend and confidant. I love watching you take care of her, and her not even realize it. I'm so thankful she has a Christian sister walking along besider her and watching her back.

8- You're beautiful.. but don't know it. I love that you are as pretty as you are, but act like you're just anyone else. On that note, sometimes you need to see the beauty we all see. Inside and out..

9- You are a friend to everyone. I have seen you take in people that others wouldn't.

10- You strive to do what's right. Not just the Christian what's right, but what's right in all matters.. and if ever you mess it up, you fix it and make it right. Love that about you.

11- You set your mind on a goal, and work your very hardest to achieve it. This goal setting will truly help you as you continue through life.

12- You made me a mommy. That is certainly a favorite thing about you.

13- I love how you support our family. You don't like missing others soccer games, baseball games or gym meets. You're all of our cheerleader.

14- And last but not least.. You are truly my friend. I have to remind myself often that I'm your mom and not just your friend. Thanks for giving me that spot.

I LOVE you with all my heart. Here's to a great year as a 14 yr old!

Happy Birthday, Caroline

Well.. it's birthday time again. My girls are both having a birthday this weekend. I can't believe they are 12 and 14. It's crazy!

Caroline had her bday party this past weekend. She did a Halloween/Birthday party. She was unable to narrow her list down and had 56 kids at her party.. Boys and girls. It was a TON of work, but crazy fun for all. The kids loved it and Caroline was on Cloud 9. Even though the girls share a birthday, I'm going to post their birthdays seperately... So, here goes...

My 12 favorite things about Caroline Grace.. in no particular order..

1- You have serious determination.. I mean.. serious. You never give up and never let something get the best of you.

2- You are friendly to everyone.. even my friends. I love that you love them and in turn, they love you back.

3- Your sense of style is so fun. You love to wear your personality.

4- You are resiliant. You just take life as it comes living each day to the fullest.

5- You have an old soul. A maturity that most kids your age don't have. It's fun to watch you as a little adult.

6- Your smile is gorgeous.. It shines all the time and shows your love for others.

7- You are extremely protective of those you love. You aren't about to let anyone hurt your siblings, even though you would never admit that to them. The way I've seen you stand up for them in situations has been beautiful to me.

8- This one is not too sweet.. but I think it's impressive that you can not study, be in all GT classes and have straight A's.. Makes that part of parenting easy for me.

9- You compliment your parents in front of your friends. That makes me feel like the best mom ever.

10- You're fun to hang out with. You make me laugh and can have full conversations with me. I love it.

11- You love Jesus and aren't ashamed to show it.

12- You love and care about your friends by honoring their friendship and protecting it.

Caroline grace, here's to your last year as a preteen. Live it to the fullest.. Stay a little girl as long as you can and keep living for Jesus.. We love you so much and are so glad Nov 5, 1999 happened!

9 of my favorite things about you.

My handsome little son is quickly becoming a big boy. I remember the day I discussed with Daddy that we should have another baby. We had two adorable little girls, but I always wanted lots of kids. As I was trying to convince daddy that we needed another baby, I remember him saying.. " I just don't know. We are living tighly right now and I don't know if we can afford another child." I explained to Daddy that we won't always be living on such a tight budget and that we should not let today determine our forever. He agreed with me and about ten months later, you were born. We didn't let that day determine who we'd be forever. God has blessed our family and we are truly grateful.

So, today, Cort.. Since you are turning 9 years old I want to tell you 9 of my favorite things about you.. in no special order!

1- You live life to the fullest everyday.. enjoying all that you do.

2- You are an encourager to others.

3- You are super polite and kind.

4- You love your sisters, even when they don't treat you with love. This is called unconditional love.

5- You truly know how to make me feel like I'm doing a good job as your mom by appreciating me and making me feel special... even if this means informing random people that I am already "taken". :)

6- You remind me of how much I love your Daddy. Looking at you is like looking at him. In your personality, appearance and your heart.

7- You are ALL heart. You play ball like you mean it. You give it all you've got and always try your very best.

8- You love Jesus by doing what is right and listening to the little voice in your head reminding you that He's the most important part of your life.

9- You are the best big brother EVER to Clayton. You make him feel like a superstar at anything he tries to do. You protect him from others and always stand by his side.

Happy Birthday, Cort... Here's to many more great years.

Conversations with Clayton

Today I had the sweet pleasure of about 10 minutes alone with Clayton in the car driving kiddos to and from. I just wanted to give a run down of how this sweet time went...

Momma... Who do you think will die first? Me or Reagan?
Well, Clayton you both are very young I bet you will both live a very long time.
Hmmm.. when I die who do I give my money to? I know, I'll give it to you, Mom. Wait... no that won't work.. You'll die before me because you're old.. that won't work. I guess I'll have to give it to Cort. That sounds good.
I take this opportunity to be spiritual and hope for a divine moment...
You know Clayton, when you die you will go see Jesus, but you must ask him to come live in your heart.. like Cort did when he got baptized.
Oh Umm Yeah.. Ummm Mom... how does our car run?
Well, we have to put gas in it.
What is gas?
It's a liquid that makes our car run.
Where does it come from?
Ummm Not sure.
Oh well. is it under the car in bottles?
Well, kinda its a tank that allows the gas to run through the car.
Where does it go after it runs through the car?
It evaporates into the air.Oh...
Mom, Do you think roadrunners can fly?
Well, I've never seen one fly, but I can't say for sure.
Why is it a bird if it can't fly?
I'm not sure, Clayton..
Well, why do they call it a road runner if it's sitting in my front yard?
I don't know baby. Somethings just don't have an answer...
Mom, is Dad home.. I need to ask him the stuff you don't know.. :)
Love me some sweet 6 year old boy! An inquisitive child is a good sign for sure!

Some things never change...

Last night I came across these pictures and BOY!! did it make me sad. My kids are GROWING UP. As I was looking through them I started noticing a pattern in my pictures. It seemed like in all of these pictures Cort was either holding a ball, throwing a ball, watching ball or hitting a ball. Then Caroline was either hanging upside down, running around in a leotard, or standing on her head. It made me think about the passions they were born with.


I spend my life trying to help my kids pursue their passion. I know we all do as parents. It's what we love to do... see our kids excel in what they love. From the day Cort could talk he said "Ball". Literally, it was his first word. He just wanted a ball. Ask our babysitter, Sarah Dalton, what she was paid to do. Of course, she was paid to make sure our kids didn't kill themselves or somebody, but pretty much she was paid to pitch a little ball back and forth to Cort for him to either bat or catch. He was born with a passion to play ball.


I also remember Caroline being on the playground as a little bitty girl and another mom saying " Ma'am, Your daughter is flipping around that bar". At 3 years old she was scaring me to death trying to swing around bars over concrete. I knew she needed a safe place to flip, so we started gymnastics and she was in LOVE. Gymnastics birthday parties, every fun day there was, extra practices... the gym was her second home.


These two still have that passion inside them. They both still love to play. When a game is going on, Cort just can't drive past and not take part, or watch. Caroline is the same way. While there's not always a gymnastics meet in town, the athlete in her wants to play whatever is going on.

I spend my time reminding my kids to "Commit your way to the Lord, trust HIM and he will do it" Psalms 37:5. We spend a lot of time talking about how we should commit our gifts to the Lord and ask Him to give us the best He has for us. We pray with the kids before games or meets, even if just a whisper in the ear, for the Lord to do a good work in them to HIS glory. Even when we have our down days, we remind them that God has a plan even in that.

More than often I feel judged by other people for keeping such a schedule. But even though other parents don't understand my willingness to drive to out of town tournaments, make the effort for the extra practices, sit out in the burning up hot each Saturday, run like a mad woman in the afternoons trying to make it happen and live in a modest house so that I can afford all of this, it's all worth it to see my kids living out their passions. I hear so many comments and opinions from other families on how busy we are, and how we just need to say no, or how they would never run all over like we do... but as I try to defend myself all I can say is..as long as my child still has the passion for their activity, gives it their all, makes the best of their opportunity and keeps up with their schoolwork... what have I to lose? Shooting for the end result of winning a tournament, perservering through the hard work of achieving a skill, and learning to work together as a team are all excellent skills that will help my kiddos their whole life. Watching them do their thing is the highlight of my life. I guess.. that is MY passion :) Now.. here's to a crazy busy fall. May I please stay strong... in the name of Passion :)

To drink the caffeine or not drink the caffeine.. that is the question

This blog for me started out to be a memory book for my kids, but I just sometimes get inspired by something that I want to write about that is not necessarily a "memory" for my kiddos. But, you know, I figure that this is my blog and it's quite possible that by the time my kids actually care that I have a blog, they'll be mature enough to maybe learn something from their old momma's insight. So... here I go with my "thoughts from Kes" moment.

So I was recently reading a magazine that had lots of self help articles in it. That's kind of my idea of a good magazine. I'm not into who is dating who in Hollywood, or if Brad and Angelina have gone to Uganda again... whatever.. I just like to read new tips for food, recipes ( not that I plan to cook them), and new exercises. Well, this particular magazine had an article about how to naturally make your breasts bigger... Hmmmmm this is interesting.. do tell..... and in the next few pages there was an article on how to get rid of cellulite naturally. The cellulite article caught my attention because I was just rejected by Chad when I suggested that I go try out the new laser system that supposedly zaps all your cellulite. Chad was..."ummmm.... no.." when I suggested I go try the new methods. So, I'm reading along and there are several methods.. one of which is to drink lots of caffeinated drinks and use caffeinated lotions. Apparently that will act as a diuretic and will rid your legs, buttocks, arms, etc of cellulite.. Hmmm I'm thinking about this as I turn back and begin to read the article on how to naturally increase your breast size. Laughingly I realize that the main goal there is to avoid all caffeinated drinks as retaining fluid will make your breasts larger... Ok.. so I'm sitting there thinking, well, there's a decision to make here. Do I want less cellulite or larger breasts.. I'm guessing if we're talking self help methods, I have decision to make.

This just got me thinking. What difference does it make? I mean, honestly... Chances are if I asked Chad what I should do.. drink caffeine for thinner thighs, or avoid caffeine for bigger breasts, he'd probably say.. whatever gets you to bed earlier. He just wants ME.. What does it have to take for ME to just accept ME.

If you know me at all you know that I've spent my life struggling with self esteem. I'm pretty sure it stemmed from the kids in my Christian private school calling me Elsie because I was a little cubbier than the other kids. This is one reason my kids are in public school. I had some seriously mean kids growing up in Christian private schools. Left a bad taste in my mouth.. Anyway, here I am at 39 years old losing sleep over things that just don't matter.

Last week was a tough week for me. I feel like Satan was sitting on my shoulder reminding me of what I am not. Or better yet, trying to convince me that I am not. I was suffering pretty bad and just miserably trying to find myself and what it would take to make me happy. Trust me, Satan knows my weakness. If I open any little door for him to sneak into my life and talk down to me, he will. This is unacceptable. I will NOT let Satan convince me that I am anything other than who God meant for me to be. I will NOT let Satan sneak into my marriage and whisper in my ear that my husband won't like me if.... or won't accept me if... I won't do it.

So, here is where I am... Last week I was praying for the Lord to heal me from these awful thoughts of failure and comparisons to others. I was asking the Lord to speak into my heart and remind me that the earthly worries don't matter. Would you know that within two days my precious 8 year old boy walked right up to me and whispered in my ear " Don't change anything about you, Mommy. I like you just as you are". Moments later my friend wrote on facebook " More of Him, Less of me", just a few moments later I was in my car driving my daughter around and the song "Beloved" by Kari Jobe came on. I PROMISE that the volume turned up so loudly when Kari sang "you're beautiful to me...so beautiful to me". That is honestly the only part of the song that I heard. God reminded me that "Greater is He that is in Me than he that is in the world." How about that? How about the Lord just simply reminding me that I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. It was awesome and a great slap in the face to the Satan who tries to remind me that I am not.

Guess what I am. I am a mother who is devoted to her children. I am a friend to many. I am a wife to my husband, who loves me as me. I am a daughter and a sister. I am an example to my daughters. I am a woman of God.

This life is so short. I picture myself lying with my husband years from now when one of us is heading to Jesus and I see myself regretting all the time spent worrying about appearance and wishing back any moment I had to embrace this woman that God made me... loving me for me. Living my life to the fullest.. being the best God can help me be.

So, my decision about the caffeine... who cares? No one.. that's who. The King is enthralled with your beauty. Honor Him.. for HE is your God! Thank you, Lord.

Cort's Baptism

What a sweet moment! Cort was baptized! It was absolutely precious. Chad baptized him with all of his family present. It was darling and a gorgeous moment for our family.

Kate's Dance Recital

This year Kate danced in SIX dances.... One of which was her competition Dance... and Ohhh so cute. I was so proud of her. All of her family came to watch and cheer her on. She was incredible!

Bluebonnets

I just have to laugh when I think about bluebonnet pictures. It's just something I have to do every year. This year the bluebonnets were not very pretty. They were just dry and crispy and few and far between. The kids complain something terrible about taking the pictures every year. They whine and gripe the whole time and act like I'm just killing them. But... funny enough... the first thing they do when we get in the car and drive off is fight over who gets to look through the camera first, then complain that "there's no good ones of themselves". Well.... maybe there would be if you'd just hush up and smile instead of complaining :) One day I'll be out there with their children and maybe they'll thank me for it then.