To drink the caffeine or not drink the caffeine.. that is the question

This blog for me started out to be a memory book for my kids, but I just sometimes get inspired by something that I want to write about that is not necessarily a "memory" for my kiddos. But, you know, I figure that this is my blog and it's quite possible that by the time my kids actually care that I have a blog, they'll be mature enough to maybe learn something from their old momma's insight. So... here I go with my "thoughts from Kes" moment.

So I was recently reading a magazine that had lots of self help articles in it. That's kind of my idea of a good magazine. I'm not into who is dating who in Hollywood, or if Brad and Angelina have gone to Uganda again... whatever.. I just like to read new tips for food, recipes ( not that I plan to cook them), and new exercises. Well, this particular magazine had an article about how to naturally make your breasts bigger... Hmmmmm this is interesting.. do tell..... and in the next few pages there was an article on how to get rid of cellulite naturally. The cellulite article caught my attention because I was just rejected by Chad when I suggested that I go try out the new laser system that supposedly zaps all your cellulite. Chad was..."ummmm.... no.." when I suggested I go try the new methods. So, I'm reading along and there are several methods.. one of which is to drink lots of caffeinated drinks and use caffeinated lotions. Apparently that will act as a diuretic and will rid your legs, buttocks, arms, etc of cellulite.. Hmmm I'm thinking about this as I turn back and begin to read the article on how to naturally increase your breast size. Laughingly I realize that the main goal there is to avoid all caffeinated drinks as retaining fluid will make your breasts larger... Ok.. so I'm sitting there thinking, well, there's a decision to make here. Do I want less cellulite or larger breasts.. I'm guessing if we're talking self help methods, I have decision to make.

This just got me thinking. What difference does it make? I mean, honestly... Chances are if I asked Chad what I should do.. drink caffeine for thinner thighs, or avoid caffeine for bigger breasts, he'd probably say.. whatever gets you to bed earlier. He just wants ME.. What does it have to take for ME to just accept ME.

If you know me at all you know that I've spent my life struggling with self esteem. I'm pretty sure it stemmed from the kids in my Christian private school calling me Elsie because I was a little cubbier than the other kids. This is one reason my kids are in public school. I had some seriously mean kids growing up in Christian private schools. Left a bad taste in my mouth.. Anyway, here I am at 39 years old losing sleep over things that just don't matter.

Last week was a tough week for me. I feel like Satan was sitting on my shoulder reminding me of what I am not. Or better yet, trying to convince me that I am not. I was suffering pretty bad and just miserably trying to find myself and what it would take to make me happy. Trust me, Satan knows my weakness. If I open any little door for him to sneak into my life and talk down to me, he will. This is unacceptable. I will NOT let Satan convince me that I am anything other than who God meant for me to be. I will NOT let Satan sneak into my marriage and whisper in my ear that my husband won't like me if.... or won't accept me if... I won't do it.

So, here is where I am... Last week I was praying for the Lord to heal me from these awful thoughts of failure and comparisons to others. I was asking the Lord to speak into my heart and remind me that the earthly worries don't matter. Would you know that within two days my precious 8 year old boy walked right up to me and whispered in my ear " Don't change anything about you, Mommy. I like you just as you are". Moments later my friend wrote on facebook " More of Him, Less of me", just a few moments later I was in my car driving my daughter around and the song "Beloved" by Kari Jobe came on. I PROMISE that the volume turned up so loudly when Kari sang "you're beautiful to me...so beautiful to me". That is honestly the only part of the song that I heard. God reminded me that "Greater is He that is in Me than he that is in the world." How about that? How about the Lord just simply reminding me that I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. It was awesome and a great slap in the face to the Satan who tries to remind me that I am not.

Guess what I am. I am a mother who is devoted to her children. I am a friend to many. I am a wife to my husband, who loves me as me. I am a daughter and a sister. I am an example to my daughters. I am a woman of God.

This life is so short. I picture myself lying with my husband years from now when one of us is heading to Jesus and I see myself regretting all the time spent worrying about appearance and wishing back any moment I had to embrace this woman that God made me... loving me for me. Living my life to the fullest.. being the best God can help me be.

So, my decision about the caffeine... who cares? No one.. that's who. The King is enthralled with your beauty. Honor Him.. for HE is your God! Thank you, Lord.

Cort's Baptism

What a sweet moment! Cort was baptized! It was absolutely precious. Chad baptized him with all of his family present. It was darling and a gorgeous moment for our family.

Kate's Dance Recital

This year Kate danced in SIX dances.... One of which was her competition Dance... and Ohhh so cute. I was so proud of her. All of her family came to watch and cheer her on. She was incredible!

Bluebonnets

I just have to laugh when I think about bluebonnet pictures. It's just something I have to do every year. This year the bluebonnets were not very pretty. They were just dry and crispy and few and far between. The kids complain something terrible about taking the pictures every year. They whine and gripe the whole time and act like I'm just killing them. But... funny enough... the first thing they do when we get in the car and drive off is fight over who gets to look through the camera first, then complain that "there's no good ones of themselves". Well.... maybe there would be if you'd just hush up and smile instead of complaining :) One day I'll be out there with their children and maybe they'll thank me for it then.

Easter 2011

I'm just catching up on my blog a little. Easter was great this year. We had the Durands in town and boy, it spoiled me. I miss my Shan so much and Cort sure enjoyed having CJ. We took a girls day and went shopping in Round Rock, then on Thursday Shannon and I took the boys to the new Legoland in Grapevine. It was great fun.

If I only teach them one thing...

As a mom there are soo many things I do wrong. Most nights I lay awake and just think about opportunities I missed, things I said, you know, just the normal mom worries. Well on Monday I was reminded of something I must have done right!

Monday afternoon Kate had an orchestra audition for school. In Midway, it's a dog eat dog world. You have to truly earn all of your spots because it's just such a big school. Kate was wanting to be a part of the Chamber orchestra next year. This is an advanced orchestra that is audition only. She did not make Chamber orchestra last year, and was disappointed, but faced the year with Symphonic orchestra and did great. I contacted all of my family and had them praying for Kate on Monday at 1:30 as was I.

Monday after school Kate got in the car all smiles and said " I know I did good mom" . She told me that she walked in and saw the music she had to sight read and immediately got nervous. She told me that she prayed a prayer in her head that God would help her. I'm just listening this whole time... then she excitedly told me that somehow her fingers just played the piece and when it was over, she was like WOW.. I think I got it right! Mom... it was weird. I felt like God was helping me.

Can I just say what my heart did at that moment? Just to have my daughter tell me that she followed the verse we've always taught her and felt it! Psalm 37:5 " Commit Your ways to the Lord, Trust Him and He will give you the desires of your heart" WOW.. WOW ... WOW... I'm sooo proud of her for remembering that, acting on it, then sharing it with me.

There are so many things I do wrong that make me an annoying parent. I dried her very favorite sweater and now it fits Caroline, I embarrass her in front of her friends all the time, I don't always speak in love, and I leave her to babysit her brothers far too often, but if I only ever teach them ONE THING and one thing only ... teaching them to call out to God is it!

These days there are so many things that I can't control for them. I can't protect them like I could when they were babies, and that is scary. Everytime Caroline leaps over that beam I panic that her foot will slip and she'll be injured. EVERY TIME!! Not to mention flying over the vault upside down and swinging like a monkey around a bar over and over. I just have to trust that she's commiting her acts to the Lord and that He will protect her.


Each time Cort goes out to play a game, my prayer for him would be that he would learn to use his talents for the Lord and with that what could be against him? And Clayton... well, I'd just like him to memorize the verse at this point :)



Thank you, Kate, for reminding me this week that I'm not all that bad and through my errors as a mom... God is still working for good :) And...I'd like to Announce that Kate will be a member of the Chamber Orchestra next year. SHE MADE IT! Congratulations, Kate.

Just As I Am.. flip flops and all

This weekend has been absurdly busy. I mean... spring has SPRUNG amongst the Castle Family. Yesterday the boys had 3 baseball games, 2 soccer games, a birthday party and Kate had dance and K life social. I also had tickets to take the girls and a friend to Gotta Sing Gotta Dance, so the day was just crazy. Well, two of those baseball games included a tournament which continued today, Sunday.

Last night late we got the email that Cort's Select team, The Midway Missiles, would be playing this morning at 9:00 am. When I see those kinds of emails I just get a funny feeling in my stomach. I wasn't raised to miss church on Sunday and especially train my kids to believe that their sports are more important than acknowledging Christ in worship on Sundays. It's just a conviction I have.

Coach Davis and Coach Castle aka, Dad, share my conviction, I'm sure, but also have the conviction of my son completing what he started which means finishing out his baseball tournament with the team. Plus, he's a crusher and a team player who couldn't feel right about leaving the team down one. These tournaments are few and far between at this point, so it's not like this is the decision every Sunday. Regardless, it's still tough for me.


Today the Missiles played hard, but lost their 9:00 game. So sad that they lost, but this left me plenty of time to make the 10:30 service at church. YEAH! I rush away from the field, head to the car, get to church, park, am rushing in and look down and realize.. OH dear... it's Sunday morning, I'm in the choir, and I'm wearing my comfy jeans, a Midway Missiles Spirit Shirt and flip flops. What to do? Well, I'll tell you what I did... I walked right in, ended up on the front row of the choir and worshipped my heart out.. And all because I know God loves me Just as I am.

That's such a great feeling... to be loved just as you are. In a world where so many of us pass judgment on each other, sometimes without even realizing it, just to know that God sees straight to our hearts. He ignores the clothes, the make up, the hair do, and just sees our hearts. Not comparing us to another, and not counting our faults... just loving us. Gorgeous thoughts, I'll tell you. Just to know that God loves this busy, proud mom with a heart for worship just as I am. Flip flops on and all. Thank you, Jesus.