Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Just the way you are... because you're mine!

Kate needed some Pointe shoes from a store in Austin and all of our guys went to the Baylor Bowl game, so today became a girl day! So exciting! Today after Caroline got done at the gym the girls and I headed to Austin for an afternoon/evening of shopping and being together.

I love girl times. My girls and I just laugh and enjoy each other so much. My girls are really close. They have separate rooms, but sleep together every night. They sit up laughing and talking together. They rarely fight, and I think they truly are each other's best friend. How that blesses me!

When we're together, we have great conversations in the car about relationships, friends, Jesus. We share stories that we've heard and the girls have a great opportunity to ask me things that they would just never ask me sitting at home or surrounded by their brothers. It's just precious priceless time.

They've even gotten a little better about asking for things in the stores. I now make sure they both have their own money, and for the most part.. we seem to get along just fine with the "Not todays... and the well, if you want to spend your own money". Tonight was one of those times. I just needed a great relaxing time with kids that love me just because I'm me. That's what I can always count on with my kids. There's something about the feeling of being loved and accepted just as I am. They don't care if my roots are showing, if my thighs look fat, if my outfit looks silly... they love me just because I'm theirs and they are mine. There's so much comfort in that. Just being loved unconditionally and unjudged. Now, I'm not going to say that my teenager is not occasionally embarrassed by her mother. That would just be unusual if she wasn't, but for the most part.. there's nothing like being together with my kids who love me just because I'm me. In the same way, God loves us just because we are His. How precious to know that our Father enjoys the same time and relationship with us that we enjoy with our kids. WOW!

I know these times won't always be. My girls... and my boys... will grow up, fall in love and have their own families to be with and to grow. But, I will cherish these times while I have them and do what I can to keep them up as long as I live. There's nothing like that unconditional love!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Tribute to Shannon

Well, today is a sad day for me! The moving truck is here. My precious friend, Shannon, is moving all the way to California. I still can't believe it and I feel numb to it. I guess I knew it was coming, and I even sold her house... but, it still doesnt seem real.

About 11 years ago I was in the nursing room at Highland with my baby, Caroline. In walks this pretty blonde lady that was so bouncy and full of energy. She immediately started talking to me, complimented my baby, and that was the first day of a beautiful friendship. She and Steve watched our girls grow up and walked with us through the boys' pregnancies and births. Shannon was even planning to be present when Clayton was born, except that she got sick and couldnt come :(

We cried with each other through the loss of babies, the arrival of babies, the loss of jobs, the hard times financially, the great times financially, and I think she probably knows every fight Chad and I have ever had. And sometimes she even took his side... rightfully :)

Thank you, Shannon for the Best friend you have been to me. The gift of you is something I would have never imagined. It proves to me that God plants people in your life for a reason and for good. Your family has been a tremendous gift to our family. We will miss you in Waco, but will be happily supporting your life in Cali. Go be a California Girl... but don't forget us.. Love you.

Monday, December 20, 2010

He promised me Good

Well, this is a difficult topic for me, but I think I'm ready to talk about it in hopes that someone else may benefit from it. I realize I write this mostly for me and my family, so it may not even get out, but it's on my heart.

For the past 3-4 months I've been dealing with terrible depression and anxiety. I know... we say.. how can a Christian mom who seems to have it all on the ball be depressed? Well, I dont know either... but I know that it's real and that it has hurt like nothing I have ever experienced before. I know that I can look into the eyes of my gorgeous husband and my precious kids and cry just because. I can walk around the house and see a mess and cry just because. I can drop my daughter off at school and cry just because. It makes no sense, but it's real.

So several months ago I noticed my normally outgoing friendly personality start to be still... just quiet inside. I started missing my workouts, not eating, dreading shopping... now this is NOT me. I lost 12 pounds and started wearing my 13 year old's jeans. The whole time I'm looking around at other people feeling like I'm on the outside looking in. Just wishing some days that I could be that happy smiling big lady, or that friendly looking old person. I just started feeling like I didn't measure up as a mom, a wife, a friend, and especially as a Christian. I started wishing for the day I could just meet my Lord and be free in Him.

I immediately started seeking the Lord. Just asking Him to heal my heart and also insisting out loud that Satan flee from me. I just felt like Satan was sitting on my shoulder speaking lies to me all day... like he was a fog hanging over my head. Clearly I know this feeling is not from the Lord, so it must be spiritual warfare going on all around me. So, I started diving into the Word and pouring Christian music over my heart all day. I dealt with this internally for about 2 months not wanting my sweet Chad to know that I was not his perfect wife. That my heart was vulnerable and I am weak. Finally, I could no longer hide it. He, as well as my friends, noticed and immediately started praying and supporting me.

I will just say, there is nothing like the prayers of your spouse over you. One morning my husband prayed thanking God that he was chosen to walk with me through this and help me out of it. What a true blessing! It has brought us closer than ever and is a precious feeling of support and love here. He has taken over some things that I have been unable to do... cooking, kids homework, just some smaller things. He even handled the family Christmas card this year. Baby... you rock:)

So, I guess as I'm sharing this I am just wanting to say that I know that the Lord has promised good to me. He has promised me peace and love. He has reminded me that I am created in HIS image. He has reminded me that He is entralled with my beauty... the beauty that I do not see. He is my beholder.... my strong tower. It has amazed me to hear Him speak to me through other people who don't even know my hurt. The times he reminds me He's there holding me are incomprehendable.

I'm continuing to work through my sadness and every day feel better. I am confident that the Lord is healing my heart and will use me to His glory to speak to other Christian and non Christian women out there who need a touch. As I'm healing, I'm already praying for divine opportunities to serve His precious daughters. Thank you Lord for promising me Good! May I remember to count it all joy.