Sunday, March 20, 2011

Just As I Am.. flip flops and all

This weekend has been absurdly busy. I mean... spring has SPRUNG amongst the Castle Family. Yesterday the boys had 3 baseball games, 2 soccer games, a birthday party and Kate had dance and K life social. I also had tickets to take the girls and a friend to Gotta Sing Gotta Dance, so the day was just crazy. Well, two of those baseball games included a tournament which continued today, Sunday.

Last night late we got the email that Cort's Select team, The Midway Missiles, would be playing this morning at 9:00 am. When I see those kinds of emails I just get a funny feeling in my stomach. I wasn't raised to miss church on Sunday and especially train my kids to believe that their sports are more important than acknowledging Christ in worship on Sundays. It's just a conviction I have.

Coach Davis and Coach Castle aka, Dad, share my conviction, I'm sure, but also have the conviction of my son completing what he started which means finishing out his baseball tournament with the team. Plus, he's a crusher and a team player who couldn't feel right about leaving the team down one. These tournaments are few and far between at this point, so it's not like this is the decision every Sunday. Regardless, it's still tough for me.

Today the Missiles played hard, but lost their 9:00 game. So sad that they lost, but this left me plenty of time to make the 10:30 service at church. YEAH! I rush away from the field, head to the car, get to church, park, am rushing in and look down and realize.. OH dear... it's Sunday morning, I'm in the choir, and I'm wearing my comfy jeans, a Midway Missiles Spirit Shirt and flip flops. What to do? Well, I'll tell you what I did... I walked right in, ended up on the front row of the choir and worshipped my heart out.. And all because I know God loves me Just as I am.

That's such a great feeling... to be loved just as you are. In a world where so many of us pass judgment on each other, sometimes without even realizing it, just to know that God sees straight to our hearts. He ignores the clothes, the make up, the hair do, and just sees our hearts. Not comparing us to another, and not counting our faults... just loving us. Gorgeous thoughts, I'll tell you. Just to know that God loves this busy, proud mom with a heart for worship just as I am. Flip flops on and all. Thank you, Jesus.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

We're going Skiing.. Oh Dear!

Tomorrow morning we leave for a LONG LONG drive to take our kids to Pagosa Springs, Colorado to go snow skiing. This is their first experience, and we're looking forward to it.. But, It is not their momma's first experience.

I have terrible skiing stories.. all three times I went! The first time our church youth group chartered a bus and drove down to Santa Fe, NM. About 2 days in, a friend of mine fell and injured her knee terribly. The poor girl was is so much pain on the way home. She was laying in the floorboard of the bus the whole way back with her knee up just praying through every terrible bump that we hit. It was awful.

The second time I went skiing our youth group loaded up to Crested Butte, Co. My grandad was the pastor of our church and he and my grandmother decided to come along with the youth. Well, as soon as we arrived, my "Padre" fell to the ground and had a massive heart attack because of the altitude. He was taken to the hospital, but did not survive. Our entire family... devastated... took a flight home together and said goodbye to our precious Padre.

The final time I went skiing was when I was newly married and Chad and I went with some friends. I did the greens the first day and was feeling pretty confident. Chad talked me into going up a double lift.. in Taos... and ended up on a blue. I couldn't get down... spent 3 hrs on the mountain crying with my husband of only 6 months and was finally taken down by the ski patrol. I remember crying as our friends were all watching us from our ski in ski out condominium window. Totally embarrassing.

But, this week, I'll be putting on the skis one more time and doing it in the name of my children. I think they deserve the opportunity to try out skiing and decide for themselves if skiing is for them or not. Let's all hope that this opportunity is my first postive one. Lord, be with us :0)

Why are "I'm Sorry's " So hard?

So once again it's 1:26am and I can't sleep. Could it be the Pepsi Max that's currently in my refrigerator? While I'm laying awake and the house is quiet, I'm just thinking and praying and having some good ole soul searching time. I just started thinking about I'm sorrys... You know, the I'm sorry that you're hurting or I'm sorry I was late.... just the meaning of I'm sorry.

To me, I'm sorry is so powerful. Sometimes it's just what we need to hear to get a feeling of peace instead of dread in of our hearts. And it works both ways. Everytime I've ever delivered an I'm sorry.. It actually felt GREAT too. It's amazing how an argument just can't continue when I'm sorrys are delivered.

I can think of a couple of times as a little girl when I got fussed at pretty heavily by my mom, went to my room crying, and a little while later had my mom come find me and say " Kes, I'm sorry. I went too far. " I can't tell you what that meant to me as a little girl. And now as a mom, thinking about the example that set for me is priceless.

Recently, Caroline received a text from her friend that was something to the affect of "That was really not nice what you did at lunch," Well, my Caroline.. and love her, I do... often times doesnt even realize she's upset a friend. She's just programmed a little like her Daddy and sometimes her sensitive side doesnt show up. She just doesn't even realize. Well, as soon as this text arrived to her phone she told me about it. I asked her what she did and she couldn't remember.. but clearly she never meant to hurt her friends feelings, and obviously it was bothering her friend. Caroline simply texted back.. with some mom coaching, "I'm so sorry I hurt your feelings. I would never mean to. Please forgive me." Those words are so powerful if you think about it. She kept her friend.

Last week I sorta blessed out the director at Clayton's Pre K. She slipped a note in his lunchbox telling me I owed $10 for a late pickup. Well, I couldn't for the life of me remember picking him up late, but it's probable with the life I lead. I went in and asked about it.. she got defensive, I called her bill pathetic and walked rudely out.. in front of others. I KNOW>.. totally embarrasing. Well, it bothered me all day. As much as I tried to justify that I was right, it still bothered my heart. I knew that I should have handled the situation better and really didnt honor Christ with my words, so later that day I called her and apologized... with all of my kids in the car.. totally embarrasing, but honestly, I couldn't live with myself until I did. It felt great!

I always find myself apologizing to Chad too. I'm sorry I ran the debit card out. I'm sorry I didn't wash your undershirts... I'm sorry I got a speeding ticket in your new truck ;(.. which reminds me... The I'm sorry with the Police officer got me NOWHERE... Any way. Sometimes apologizing to the ones closest to us is the hardest.

Last week Caroline had a friend say, "My mom said I have to tell you I'm sorry.. so, Sorry". Some would say that wasn't heartfelt and forget it, but what I say is Kudos to mom for teaching her daughter the importance of I'm sorry... being humble and precious before a friend and making a wrong situation right. Teaching our children to have a heart for others and not always for ourselves is so important. It speaks volumes.

So, I guess I would say all in all... if your heart tells you that you need to, just say I'm sorry. You'll both be blessed :)