To drink the caffeine or not drink the caffeine.. that is the question

This blog for me started out to be a memory book for my kids, but I just sometimes get inspired by something that I want to write about that is not necessarily a "memory" for my kiddos. But, you know, I figure that this is my blog and it's quite possible that by the time my kids actually care that I have a blog, they'll be mature enough to maybe learn something from their old momma's insight. So... here I go with my "thoughts from Kes" moment.

So I was recently reading a magazine that had lots of self help articles in it. That's kind of my idea of a good magazine. I'm not into who is dating who in Hollywood, or if Brad and Angelina have gone to Uganda again... whatever.. I just like to read new tips for food, recipes ( not that I plan to cook them), and new exercises. Well, this particular magazine had an article about how to naturally make your breasts bigger... Hmmmmm this is interesting.. do tell..... and in the next few pages there was an article on how to get rid of cellulite naturally. The cellulite article caught my attention because I was just rejected by Chad when I suggested that I go try out the new laser system that supposedly zaps all your cellulite. Chad was..."ummmm.... no.." when I suggested I go try the new methods. So, I'm reading along and there are several methods.. one of which is to drink lots of caffeinated drinks and use caffeinated lotions. Apparently that will act as a diuretic and will rid your legs, buttocks, arms, etc of cellulite.. Hmmm I'm thinking about this as I turn back and begin to read the article on how to naturally increase your breast size. Laughingly I realize that the main goal there is to avoid all caffeinated drinks as retaining fluid will make your breasts larger... Ok.. so I'm sitting there thinking, well, there's a decision to make here. Do I want less cellulite or larger breasts.. I'm guessing if we're talking self help methods, I have decision to make.

This just got me thinking. What difference does it make? I mean, honestly... Chances are if I asked Chad what I should do.. drink caffeine for thinner thighs, or avoid caffeine for bigger breasts, he'd probably say.. whatever gets you to bed earlier. He just wants ME.. What does it have to take for ME to just accept ME.

If you know me at all you know that I've spent my life struggling with self esteem. I'm pretty sure it stemmed from the kids in my Christian private school calling me Elsie because I was a little cubbier than the other kids. This is one reason my kids are in public school. I had some seriously mean kids growing up in Christian private schools. Left a bad taste in my mouth.. Anyway, here I am at 39 years old losing sleep over things that just don't matter.

Last week was a tough week for me. I feel like Satan was sitting on my shoulder reminding me of what I am not. Or better yet, trying to convince me that I am not. I was suffering pretty bad and just miserably trying to find myself and what it would take to make me happy. Trust me, Satan knows my weakness. If I open any little door for him to sneak into my life and talk down to me, he will. This is unacceptable. I will NOT let Satan convince me that I am anything other than who God meant for me to be. I will NOT let Satan sneak into my marriage and whisper in my ear that my husband won't like me if.... or won't accept me if... I won't do it.

So, here is where I am... Last week I was praying for the Lord to heal me from these awful thoughts of failure and comparisons to others. I was asking the Lord to speak into my heart and remind me that the earthly worries don't matter. Would you know that within two days my precious 8 year old boy walked right up to me and whispered in my ear " Don't change anything about you, Mommy. I like you just as you are". Moments later my friend wrote on facebook " More of Him, Less of me", just a few moments later I was in my car driving my daughter around and the song "Beloved" by Kari Jobe came on. I PROMISE that the volume turned up so loudly when Kari sang "you're beautiful to me...so beautiful to me". That is honestly the only part of the song that I heard. God reminded me that "Greater is He that is in Me than he that is in the world." How about that? How about the Lord just simply reminding me that I am Fearfully and Wonderfully Made. It was awesome and a great slap in the face to the Satan who tries to remind me that I am not.

Guess what I am. I am a mother who is devoted to her children. I am a friend to many. I am a wife to my husband, who loves me as me. I am a daughter and a sister. I am an example to my daughters. I am a woman of God.

This life is so short. I picture myself lying with my husband years from now when one of us is heading to Jesus and I see myself regretting all the time spent worrying about appearance and wishing back any moment I had to embrace this woman that God made me... loving me for me. Living my life to the fullest.. being the best God can help me be.

So, my decision about the caffeine... who cares? No one.. that's who. The King is enthralled with your beauty. Honor Him.. for HE is your God! Thank you, Lord.